Glee Parody
by xxWritingGirlxx
Summary: What it says on the title. : I promise it's better than this summary... Oneshot! Rated T for mention of drugs, language, and Pedo!Will.


**A/N: Hi! So, this is my first fanfiction on this site! Also, I love Glee, but it's so easy to make fun of! And Kurt is my favorite character. Anyway, this is mostly based on the first episode, Pilot, but it has other stuff from other episodes too, like Will being a janitor. It gets funnier as it goes on, I think. Reviews are appreciated! **

Glee Parody:

By the dumpsters:

Schue: I'll remain ignorant to the obvious bullying. Hey, Kurt, have fun in the dumpster!

Kurt: Please, at least spare the Marc Jacobs!

Finn: *holds Kurt's bag and jacket* Whatever you want, bud!

Puck: We're not very good at this bullying thing, are we?

Schue: I heard Sandy got fired. Can I coach Glee Club? I'm a very… shall we say… hands on teacher.

Figgins: Sure, why not? You're hardly a competent Spanish teacher anyway. Also, you have to pay out of your own money… all of it goes to our crazy cheerleading coach, Sue Sylvester!

Schue: I'm a good Spanish teacher!

Figgins: You forgot all your Spanish in season 3 and had to be retaught it.

Schue: True dat!

Sue: *walks by* Please don't try to be cool, curly haired, baby hands, butt chinned, pedophile, horrible rapper, gorilla chested, lameass, show tunes lover-

Quinn: OH MY GOD, SUE'S GONE INSULT CRAZY AGAIN! SOMEONE HAUL HER AWAY!

Lauren: *hauls away*

Sue: -ALCOHOLIC, DID I MENTION YOUR BRAIN IS PROBABLY IMPAIRED FROM ALL THAT HAIRGEL-

* * *

In Schue's house, sleeping:

Schue: I have the perfect name for the Glee Club- NEW DIRECTIONS!

Terri: Is there any reason you named the club something that sounds like Nude Erect-

Schue: *shifty eyed* Um, it doesn't sound like that. Why would you think that?

Terri: I could've sworn that you said-

Schue: And this is why I eventually divorce you.

* * *

In choir room with new Glee Club:

Rachel: *holds up shiny necklace* Yes, Mr. Schue, look at the shiny necklace. You're now hypnotized. GIVE ME ALL THE SOLOS!

Schue: Nah, Artie gets it. Also, we only have 5 kids, and most of you are stereotypes!

Rachel: You'll give me some later, though, right? ARTIE SUCKS AT SINGING! I'M THE BEST!

Artie: This doesn't bother me in the slightest…

Schue: Sure… why not?

Artie: Still doesn't…

Tina: Should we go recruit more members?

Schue: Did someone say something?

Tina: SHOULD WE GO RECRUIT MORE MEMBERS?

Schue: Since when does Tina talk?

Artie: No clue.

Mercedes: I didn't even know she could.

Mike: *suddenly appears* She talks around me!

Mercedes: *bitterly* That's because you're both stereotypes. You bond over your stereotypedness!

Mike: Like you're one to talk.

Mercedes: Shut up.

Kurt: That's gay.

Glee Club: …

Artie: Should we go recruit more members?

Schue: Great idea, Artie! Go!

Tina: But… but I… screw it.

* * *

In Sheets N Things:

Schue: Oh! Hi, Sandy.

Sandy: Want some marijuana? It's medical, for sure.

Schue: Despite this being illegal, I won't tell anyone. I'm a good role model, DAMN IT!

Sandy: … ok, William. We'll go with that. Say, do you think this'll be an important plot point later?

Schue: Nah, I doubt it. After all, I would never pretend I found these drugs in a student's locker. Then I would be a bad role model.

Sandy: …

* * *

Football field bleachers:

Schue: What's wrong Rachel?

Rachel: Angst. Angst. ANGST.

Schue: You're the best singer in there, Rachel. I'm sure none of the other Glee kids will find this offensive.

Rachel: Angst. ANGST. Do you not understand the meaning of uncalled for angst?

* * *

In boy's locker room:

Schue: Hum de dum. I'll just take a quick peek into the boy's locker room to, erm, "supervise" them. This isn't creepy at all.

Schue: Oh look, a naked football player in the showers! I'll just take a quick peek…

Finn: LA LA LA, LA LA LA, ELMO'S WORLD!

Schue: AUTOTUNE! I mean… Best. Singer. Ever.

* * *

In Schue's office:

Schue: Finn, you have to join Glee Club. You have drugs in your locker!

Finn: Erm… that's child porn…

Schue: Oops… you have THIS in your locker! *pulls out drugs*

Finn: Dear god no! My drugs- I mean, I've never seen those before in my life!

Schue: Right… oh, just join Glee Club already! It's not like you're that tough, anyway. If you were, you'd get a mohawk. I'm sure Quinn would appreciate it.

Finn: Wait… what?

Schue: Nothing… *whistles innocently* JOIN! *hisses*

Finn: Jeez, OK! I'll join your club to fulfill your pedo fantasies- I mean, to sing and dance! Whoohoo!

* * *

Glee Club rehearsal:

Mercedes: Do we ever go to class?

Kurt: Shut up, that would be gay.

Glee Club: …

Schue: Ok, guys, want to see me rap?

Glee Club except for Rachel: DEAR GOD NO.

Schue: Yeah, too bad. *raps*

All of McKinley: DEAR GOD MY EYES! *faints*

Finn: Getting hit with paintball guns by my best friend = better than Schue's rapping.

Rachel: I thought his rapping was pretty cool!

Mercedes: Suck up.

Rachel: Shut up. I need more solos.

Finn: I like stuff like football, not this. I like throwing balls around.

Kurt: That statement was so gay.

Puck: *appears* He's got a point there.

Glee Club: …

* * *

Schue's house:

Terri: Will, I'm pregnant!

Schue: CONGRATS! YAY!

Terri: I know. Now get another job to pay for this baby, idiot. QUIT GLEE CLUB. I need money for my craft room supplies addiction!

Schue: Right. Why are we still married again? You're kind of… bat shit crazy.

Terri: Bitch, please. Your next wife will be a germaphobe whose parents are obsessed with gingers not becoming extinct.

Schue: … She sounds kind of hot.

Terri: Yeah, but I'm hot too.

Schue: True dat! Let's toast!

* * *

Back at school at football practice:

Puck: Finn, man, quit the Glee Club! Come back to the straight men! *eerie voice* COME BACK, FINN!

Finn: I was forced. Also, why are we best friends?

Puck: Dude. It's The Mohawk.

Finn: *in awe of The Mohawk*

* * *

Hallway:

Quinn: People think you're gay now, Finn, and that I'm your cover. Because, you know, as soon as you get in Glee Club, you turn gay.

Finn: Makes sense!

Quinn: *opens locker* So are we still going to BreadstiX on Friday, or are you gay- MY PREGNANCY TESTS! I mean… gotta go!

* * *

Coffee shop:

Rachel: FINN, LET'S MAKE OUT! RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!

Finn: Whoa, you can stop trying to take your clothes off now! People are staring!

Rachel: Finn, wanna sing a duet together? You know what they say about a girl who sings duets.

Finn: Um… not really. I have a girlfriend, and her name matches with mine, so don't count on getting in on this. Our names don't rhyme.

Rachel: *ignores* We'll be Finchel, together forever! WHEN WE GET MARRIED AS TEENS, OUR COUPLE NAME WILL BE FOREVER IN THE HEARTS OF FANGIRLS! CAN'T YOU JUST SEE IT, FINN?

Finn: Um… sure? *quietly slips away*

* * *

Teacher's lounge:

Sue: William, you suck. And so does your hair. And everything about you. And Glee Club.

Schue: Your insults have gone down in quality lately. Are you ok?

Sue: Yeah, I'm just running out of them.

Emma: Can I sit here, Will? *makes eyes at him*

Schue: Sure, whatever. Say, are your parents ginger preservatists?

Emma: How did you know?

Schue: It was fate… or something else cheesy like that.

Ken: *looks on jealously*

Sue: I think I feel a new barrage of insults coming on… and possibly some barf

* * *

Schue's janitor job:

Emma: HI WILL! I'm not stalking you or anything, if that's what you think!

Schue: … Sure. I'm doing this for my baby. I hope it gets my rapping skills and Terri's… whatever redeeming qualities I'm sure she has.

Emma: Oh. You're married. And having a kid. How delightful.

Schue: -and then I said, hey, I love my wife and unborn kid!

Emma: *breathing hard* Well… well… YOU'RE A JANITOR, TAKE THAT!

Schue: *horrified* Wait, how did you know?

Emma: Hmm… you're cleaning classrooms, you've got a janitor's uniform on, and you're here after school hours… no, I can tell by your name patch that says "Will".

Schue: Dang it, she caught me.

* * *

Outside:

Ken: Emma, I love you!

Emma: Well, that was random.

Ken: So will you go out with me and possibly get married?

Emma: Sure!

Emma: Well that was also random.

* * *

Glee Club rehearsal:

Schue: Guys, I'm… *dramatic pause* leaving the Glee Club.

Finn: Can I quit now so I can come back with an inspirational speech?

Rachel: NOOO! WHY MR. SCHUE, WHYYYY? *sobs*

Mercedes: We just met him today. For like, 30 minutes.

Rachel: *death glare* Shut up. He was going to give me solos.

Tina: How are we already attached to this teacher?

Schue: How are you talking?

Tina: …

Schue: That sounds more like you, Tina.

Rachel: GOODBYE, MR. SCHUE! I'LL MISS YOU! Can I serenade you with a goodbye solo?

Finn: Please, no!

Rachel: Anything for you, Finn!

Artie: Bye, Mr. Schuster! My… erm… wheelchair prevents me from getting near you. Yup, that's it.

Schue: I'll miss you all and my free child porn- I mean, I'll miss all your sweet personalities and voices!

Kurt: Thanks, Mr. Schue, I guess? And bye, Finn, too, he's quitting!

Finn: Oh my god, he talked to me! KURT'S DEFINITELY GAY, EVERYONE!

Kurt: WTF?

* * *

Football field:

Finn: 'Kay, Puck, I quit Glee! Are you happy?

Puck: You don't sound so happy. Just think of The Mohawk, dude. Also, we have a present for you!

Finn: OH MY GOD! IS IT A PONY? OR SOMETHING THAT REPELS RACHEL?

Puck: Well… not exactly. See, it's a kid in a wheelchair trapped in a port-a-potty. You like?

Finn: NO, I DON'T LIKE IT! CMON, ARTIE, YOU'RE MY NEW BESTIE! YOU'LL HELP ME REPEL RACHEL, RIGHT?

Artie: Um… sure. Can you just get me out?

Finn: *gets him out*

Puck: *sadly* What about The Mohawk?

* * *

Glee Club rehearsal:

Finn: *creepy voice* I'M BACK!

Mercedes: Well, that was quick.

Finn: I've seen a lot of things, and I can conclude: the Glee Club sucks, but The Mohawk sucks more. Also, conveniently, here's some more members: Mike and Matt!

Quinn: NEVER INSULT THE MOHAWK! *goes off to… erm… "comfort" Puck*

Mike: Hi! I'm your new Asian stereotype!

Matt: …

Glee Club: Are you alive…

Matt: I'm only allowed two lines… oh shit, I used one!

Artie: Sorry, it counts as two. That was way too long.

Matt: …

Finn: Ok, now people, let's get to work! I'm the boss around here! Rachel… just be bossy, you're good at it. Mercedes, do costumes. Tina… well, we really don't know anything about you, so just… go be Asian in the corner with Mike.

Rachel: Can we PLEASE sing a duet now, Finn? *holds knife to his throat*

* * *

*Rachel and Finn sing Don't Stop Believing*

Schue: *randomly walks in* I'M BACK! My subscription to Pedobears magazine ran out- I mean, I really love you all despite only knowing you for 30 minutes!

Mercedes: We were doing amazing without you…

Schue: And that's why I need to come back!

Finn: Makes sense!

THE END.


End file.
